What Perimenopause Taught Me About Being Photographed

Confidence in photos during perimenopause is not about better lighting or a flattering angle. It is about who is standing on the other side of the camera, and I am learning that in a body that keeps changing on me.

Eek! None of my clothes fit.

This would be so much easier to blame on yet another midlife plot twist. Which, honestly, it still could be, because my body does seem committed to keeping me on my toes.

I have a sneaky suspicion that some of it has to do with weight training. I am lifting heavier weights while remaining someone who regularly forgets that water is apparently essential.

I do not believe I am replenishing nearly enough of what I am asking my body to use, and my current theory is that my body is holding on to every drop it can get.

And because my brain cannot leave a perfectly good metaphor alone, I have begun wondering where else in my life I am asking for strength, movement, and fluidity while refusing to provide the hydration.

Anyhoo, here I am. Getting stronger. Feeling deeply proud of the ways I am caring for my body, in some aspects, while being gently reminded that my body would also appreciate another forty or perhaps eighty ounces of water.

I know there are water bottles and apps and clever little hacks for that, and I am still looking for the one that works for me.

A Body That Keeps Changing, and Asking to Be Seen

There is something tender about becoming stronger inside a body that keeps changing. Especially when that changing body is also the body I am asking to become more visible.

A selfie is one thing. I know my angle. I know the pose. I know how to hold the phone so I feel good about what I see.

A real camera or turning on the video is something else. It asks me to let myself be seen as I am now, not only as the version of myself I already know how to arrange.

And I desire to be seen. I have more gray hair, more wrinkles, more sunspots, and a body that is getting stronger and still teaching me how it needs to be cared for. I desire to show up in front of the camera as a way of honoring who I have been, who I am now, and where I am heading.

But I also know that I can only relax into that kind of visibility when I trust the person on the other side of the lens.

What Changes When I Trust the Photographer

Sora and Kassy Hughes laughing together outdoors in a swirl of bubbles

That is what makes being photographed by someone who can see beyond the pose feel so different.

She is not only looking for the right light or the most flattering angle. She can see the beauty already moving beneath the insecurity, and she knows how to coax the confidence forward until I can see it too.

When I trust the photographer, my personality begins to come through the camera. I stop feeling like Flat Stanley, the children's book character. I am no longer this flat little version of myself arranged inside the frame. I become multidimensional again. The photographs feel as if I am in the middle of a conversation, because I am no longer performing for the camera. I am actually there.

I have hosted retreats that include professional photography for a number of years, and it is always one of the highlights.

There is something powerful about having a photographer with an incredible eye who understands women, our bodies, and the insecurities we may carry into the room. Then I get to help curate the poses and the storytelling so the woman in front of the camera can relax enough for her real personality to come forward.

She begins by dreading the entire experience, making jokes at her own expense, and shyly looking at the camera while hoping she will like a few photographs.

Then she sees some of the photos and her entire energy shifts. She craves more! She falls in love with the photographs, and perhaps a little more deeply with herself. Before long, she is obsessed with having brand shoots because being visible no longer feels like performing a flat version of who she is.

Maybe that is the Knot.

It is not always that we are afraid to be visible. Sometimes we are afraid that visibility will flatten us into a woman we no longer recognize. But I wonder if we are also afraid of how visibility may change us for the better, because a new way of being seen asks us to form new habits.

Just as I need to drink more water because I am getting stronger and feeling like a badass warrior, you may need to shift how you show up in the world. Your medicine has made you stand a little straighter. You can no longer keep telling yourself that you are not beautiful.

Perimenopause and menopause can feel like a threshold. The woman I was is meeting the woman I am now, while I begin to recognize the woman I desire to become.

Sometimes that crossing happens through the lens of a camera. A photograph can become evidence that the next version of you is not waiting somewhere in the future. She is already here. She may only need to be witnessed before you can fully recognize her.

I felt some of this same crossing while training my body into new strength this year, where the inner work was never really about the weights.

The LUSH Gathering, and Kassy Hughes

The LUSH Gathering, October 2 through 4, 2026 in Raleigh, North Carolina

This is why I am so delighted that Kassy Hughes will be joining us for The LUSH Gathering in Raleigh from October 2 through October 4. Kassy is a spectacular photographer. She has the eye, and she also understands women, our bodies, the insecurities that may arrive with us, and the difference between asking someone to pose and helping her personality come alive through the lens.

If you have been desiring photographs you genuinely love, yes, you will have that opportunity. But this is also about activating the deeper call to be seen more fully in the world. Maybe you are ready to pitch yourself for podcasts. Maybe you are feeling called to speak, host your next retreat, or show up more often on social media. Maybe you need fresh images for a new landing page that finally reflects the level of work you are here to offer.

I really, really invite you to come and work with Kassy.

There are six spots left in the Gathering. The first four community registrations are still available at $400.

You can read the details and join us here: The LUSH Gathering.