Am I a Bad Friend? A Midlife Look at How I Show Up

I ask myself if I am a bad friend more often than I would like to admit, and it traces back to a girl who came to live with my family when I was five.

Where I learned the language of friendship

When I was about five years old, my mother took in a girl whose father needed to go away for a little while to make some money. Inside the immigrant community, there was a great deal of supporting one another, and so she came and lived with us. She became like a sister to me. I absolutely loved having someone older in the house, playing with me, seeing me, and keeping me company.

I have been curious about friendship, and about how we learn its language when we are young. That language may be coded by the experiences that caused pain, but part of it is not a wound at all. Part of it is simply our makeup, the way we are designed to connect with the people we love.

What I am still learning about showing up

So I have been considering what it means to be clear and articulate about the way I show up in friendship. How do I name the parts of me that may disappoint someone, so that we can honor one another exactly as we are made and give each other grace? And how do I show up for a friend in a way that is truly delightful for her, even when it is not my natural way?

My friendship with my best friend has moved through so many different stages. I do not know how much of that has to do with her, but from a personal responsibility standpoint, I can see that it has a great deal to do with me, with how I choose to see friendship and what I make a priority.

She and I have landed in a new space together, and I am here for it. I have been deepening the way we travel toward one another. Even when I cannot get on a plane as often as I once did, I can pick up a FaceTime call. I was so overwhelmed and so dysregulated for so many years that my priorities were skewed.

Why I love gathering my people in person

This is one of the reasons I love gathering my clients and community members in person.

When we are together in a room, we get to reevaluate what our commitments and priorities actually are. We are inspired by being in contact with one another. We have the fun, playful conversations and the nuanced ones. We do the things we enjoy that give us a sense of commonality, and we are inspired not only by each other but by our surroundings. When we are somewhere new, our perspective on life and business changes.

I wrote more about the honesty a real friendship asks for in Spilled Tea Isn't the End of the World.

Join us at The LUSH Gathering

My mastermind clients have been asking for the details of our retreat in North Carolina at the beginning of October, and the planning has been so much fun. We started this annual gathering last year, and it is open to our Devoted community too. My masterminders love connecting with the larger community.

I also keep thinking about the part of us that desires to embody the woman who travels, who explores, who connects with people in person, and who takes a little road trip or a little flight somewhere new. We get to see ourselves doing it.

The through line of all of it is being fucking inspired by life and by people, and following the breadcrumbs from there.

Seats are open for The LUSH Gathering. We gather October 2 through 4 in Raleigh, eight of us. Yes, of course there is a photoshoot, and this time it is at a farm with goats. The first four community places are $400, and after those four the price becomes $500. The full invitation lives here.

I would love to meet you.

Where to go next

If you are curious about the medicine you naturally carry into your own friendships, the Magic and Medicine Quiz is a beautiful next breadcrumb.

xoxo,
Sora